I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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