we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
