well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish I only lived at night.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
