I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
