and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
