Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
