Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
