You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
