I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
