That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
