The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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