whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
