I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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