My nipple is on Facebook.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
