Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
