I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
