He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How does one acquire holy water?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize