So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
