dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
