i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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