my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
