just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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