Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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