I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
