my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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