Need sex. Gaining weight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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