Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize