too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
