i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
