You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
