Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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