u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize