Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
