if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Barsexuality is the new black.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize