Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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