im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
