..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You were trust falling into bushes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
