I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
