My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
