i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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