Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
