Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
