you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
