Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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