can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
