I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
