real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
