I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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