My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize