At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
