I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize