I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
