I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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