get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
