you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
false alarm. still invincible.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
