oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
