It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I love you. Go after that dick
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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