Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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