Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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