I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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