god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
