True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
