I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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