My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
